Ripped and Raped , a poem

Ripped and Raped 

Long back , I was a victim too ,

Days passed by , Sun rose , Sun did set ,

People held me , People went by , 

Some were pure love , some were lust for obvious .

I am being thrown , I am being lifted up ,

I feel happy , not very long and  soon to realise ,

To be thrown again , from a greater height than before ,

Some were pure lust , some were even worse .

I know not , why is it a curse being me , 

Why was I gifted , with a girl in me ?

Why my gift was and is or will forever be a curse , indeed ?

Why , am I touched not in a manner of grace , I feel ?

Why were some from my family and some even closer .

I am glad , I woke up this morning ,

I am glad I smiled for a moment ,

I am glad for everything , in routine ,

I am glad not anymore , that happens all again ,

I am afraid now to trust , souls around me ,

Because , some were still negligible , some were hell of 'em .

What worries me ? Still did you not get ?

What can worry a girl , a woman , a lady worse ?

What can be bitter than her respect being touched ?

What can be uglier than the ugliest crime ?

What can be darker than a physical violence ?

Should I not feel bad ? just because , 

Some are blood I know , some are the blood I should have known .

I begin from top to bottom , I can speak of it now ,

I will begin , I know I have been a victim for quite a while ,

I know , I need to stop from the root itself ,

I know , they are it , I can recognize 'em even in the least of light ,

Because , some have crossed the limit , some are on their way .

I have a face , I have a mirror ,

I can see myself , I can see my memories ,

The ugly and the bitter ones , the lovely and cuddling loves , too ,

But what happened today ..... what made it worse ? when ,

Some were next to me , some kept on touching me .

That ugly villain , perhaps in my family ,

I speak not , just to avoid any mis-happening ,

I love my father , I love my mother , I love their smiles ,

I cannot afford to put 'em to pause , just because ,

He touched me , stared me ,

Some close to my wrist , some down my knees .

I know , he waited for the signal , I never gave ,

He waited , for a chance , I never ever dreamt of ,

He kept on doing that , he kept on spoofing ,

He felt , I am a mad to accept all of it ,

I wish he knew , I wish I could tell ,

I love a few smile so much , that I dare not speak of it(villain) ,

Because , some are very dear , some even better . 

I sat with my usual covered dressing , 

I know , I do not any disgrace to provoke anyone ,

He still stared at the bossom covered ,

He raped me with eyes , I wish I could spray ,

The pepper , if I had ,

He kept dancing his fingers close to the parts , I call private ,

He kept raping , without penetrating ,

I wish , I had a rod , I could hit him with ,

But poor me , I dare not do it ,

Because , some(just him) were villain , some were my heros(parents) .

I told this to an author , I knew not he would write this long ,

I knew not , I would read it ,

I beg you all , pray for me , 

I beg you girls , be not as helpless as me ,

I beg you be criminals than being victims ,

This is what this , noble author said to me :) 

This is what this good friend said to me .

 - Bharath R Rao , the virtual witness